Granddad Your birthday was yesterday (16 March)
I tell you this, I did not expect to be sitting here remembering you like this, and thinking how much I miss you and that I just wish you were still here. I know that you had an amazing life well you were here, and I know how blessed I am to have known you for 24 years, you are the most amazing man. And I know that you would want me to be happy, and to remember all the good things and that’s exactly what I’m doing, I’m remembering the best times that I had with you, I just wish that there were so many more. But that’s OK granddad we all know how much you loved us, and how you still do, and we know that you knew how much we loved you and still do.
I remember this time last year for you birthday, I called you at the rest home to wish you a happy birthday, you were so happy to hear from me, yes you were a bit confused but I explained who it was, and you told me how much of a good girl I was and how much you loved me. It’s the 1st birthday of yours that you are not hear for and it has been hard, there will be alot of firsts in the years to come but what I promise you is that I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you. I will cherish every memory I have of you, and the stuff I have that you made and the bear I had made out of one of your shirts after you passed away, I’m sitting here well remembering things about you, I have the teddy sitting in my lap well crying, but that’s OK, right? Well you know what it’s not really up to anyone else to judge, I’m doing what I need to do.
Something that has just made me smile is remembering when dad bought me down to christchurch to see you and Nana when I was four, because back then you could fly for free until you turned 5 years old, so dad and I came to see you and it was snowing when we came, I remember dad and I went to play outside in the snow and we had a snow fight and dad thought he was smart and went inside when I was going to throw a snowball at him, and you know what I still throw it and it went all over the floor inside, haha oops I know now that I should not have thrown it when dad was coming in.
I remember how you loved gardening your gardens were always so perfect, just like you, you are perfect granddad. It’s been almost 7 and a half months since we lost you granddad, well I know you are still here and not lost but I’m sure you know what I mean, I feels like I have just had that call from dad telling me the sad news, telling me that you had passed away, I did not want to believe it, I did not want to accept it, I wanted them to be wrong, dad really held it together, I was so proud of how well he did. When we came to the viewing before the funeral it was so hard I wanted to be the one that was strong for dad, because I knew that it was hard for him, I have never seen dad the way that I saw him on that day, he was so broken and lost, and that just broke me to see that, I’m thankful that dad felt that he could be that way with us kids around.
The poem that Damion wrote for you that I read out at the funeral sums you up perfectly, I think about it and I smile with all the memories, that we have of you.
It was good to remember all the things that happened in life, and to learn things about you. You really were an amazing wood turner and carver, you have made the most beautiful things and I have been blessed with some of the stuff that you made.
You will always be here with us, but there is a part of me that is missing and I feel so empty with out it. Love you.
I hope that the tattoo that I got for you is everything that you would like, the arch way from your garden that I got one year after you pasted away and yesterday I got some carnations added to it, because they were you favorite flower. I love the tattoo so much, it reminds me of you. I love you so so much.